My Passion for Pure Love

Who hasn’t fallen head-over-heels during the summer, as the days grow longer and time passes slower? There is something innocent and intoxicating about summer love at every age, as it brings sun-kissed skin, a bit of a swagger in a bathing suit, a deeper smile while wearing sunglasses, and louder voices singing on motor boats and in convertibles.

I’m watching summer love play out with my teenager. Along with the blushing, teasing, and giggling, tenderness is blossoming. It is sweet and wholesome, yet from a parent’s perspective, I wonder how long the relationship will last. I encourage the fun they are having, all the while also trying to teach her to be cautious. Be realistic. Stay pure. My mind tells me this crush is not going to last through high school and college. Yet, like a flag in the summer breeze, I am swayed by the romance of it, the endearing texts and silly pictures. Relying on my “wisdom” of high school and college crushes, I am fully aware that my child needs to have her own experiences to draw on for her future. As much as I would like to lock her up in a remote tower like Rapunzel to prevent the pain of a broken heart, I follow the wisdom my mom taught me:

You may be surprised to hear that my husband and I actually prayed for her to find someone worthy to date while still under our roof. Some friends say they don’t want their kids to date in high school, but honestly, it has been a true blessing for us to navigate these experiences with her, such as:

•           Balancing time with this significant other as well as with friends and school.

•           Defining personal and physical boundaries, and how to address differences in expectations and jealousy.

•           We had to teach the “one guy at a time” lesson. As simple as it sounds, the exclusivity of “dating” also means having to say no when guy friends invite you to their dances, which brings up the question…

•           How friendly are you allowed to be with someone of the opposite sex?

Is it ok to still hang out? Deciding where text and Snaps cross the line?

•           And how to disagree nicely without being a pushover.

It’s interesting being on the periphery and watching. It seems so complicated for her, yet so necessary for learning how to navigate their relationship in a Godly way. We are thankful we can be nearby to help steer it.

Regardless of age or season, new relationships are often blinding with passion. This knowledge led me to explore what scripture has to say about love, purity, and passion. I realized the words are not interchangeable. Passion has a more negative connotation, including intensity and impulsiveness, with an element of warning.

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid

sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body

in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans,

who do not know God.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Spiritually and physically, our lives are inseparable. God created them to be intertwined so that we could enjoy the pleasure that our bodies provide. Often, however, we operate as if we can compartmentalize them, flirting with temptation, possibly rationalizing that we “technically” didn’t cross the line and commit a sin. This isn’t what God wants for us. He wants us to be holy and set apart, just like Him. He wants us to look, act, and be separate from the world’s ways He calls it wickedness – which catches my attention more so than the watered-down “ways”. He desires our holiness in order to prevent later feelings of guilt, shame, or regret.

Scripture confirmed my thoughts of caution, go slow and stay pure. God provided commands and laws to prepare the Israelites for what they would see when they entered the pagan world of the Promised Land (Leviticus 20).  I am seeking Him to teach me how best to prepare my children on how to avoid the sins of today’s world before they leave our home.

I am taking the approach of teaching the oneness of marriage. I know it is a long, long way off. But if not now, when? I only have one year left of our daughter living with us. Three years left with our son. So, we talk about premarital sex and the activities that lead up to it, and if you choose to do it now, you will not be able to share this purity with your future spouse. We also share the beauty of sexual intimacy with your spouse, that God creates our bodies to interlock with each other and the intimacy it provides, which is why He commands it to be in a covenant marriage. (Read the book of Hosea or watch the cinematically beautiful movie Redeeming Love.)

Sadly, but not surprisingly, current culture has provided real-life examples of people our children know who are making decisions differently: a family broken apart when the temptation of greener grass led a spouse to the tennis pro. A marriage where the couple is no longer in love, just roommates sharing a home. A teenage pregnancy, and separately a friend’s boyfriend decided to lose his virginity elsewhere before leaving for college.

There is also a challenge for me. Upon sharing with adult friends the first-love ending due to the drive to lose his virginity scenario, the man championed the boy cheating. This stopped me in the discussion. While I was initially stunned and saddened by his response, I shouldn’t have been surprised… “Do what feels good for you” is the wickedness that the world teaches. It is what other parents are modeling for their kids. Fortunately, when I shared the same story with believers, they felt a similar disbelief I had, which reminds me again and again how I need my closest circle to be those who are pursuing scripture and holding onto God’s ways.

Our kitchen table has been the hot spot of some new conversations. “Why did he …?  What was she thinking?  I love the opportunity to have these counter-cultural conversations with my kids. If you are having these conversations, please share what you are teaching in the comments. I would love to link arms with other parents who are boldly going against the grain. I know these are difficult conversations to start and to tackle, but if not now, when else will we get the chance? If not us who, the world?

Please pray with me

Lord, thank You for answering the prayers for giving our daughter an amazing first boyfriend. We are so thankful for the opportunity to walk through her first dating situation while she is living at home. We pray You will stay near our family as we navigate purity, boundaries, and conflicts. That You give us guidance that resonates with her soul, not just because we told her so. Lord, let us love her and our son unconditionally, even when someday they may make choices that we prefer they don’t. Let them seek purity now and a lifetime marriage. Amen

(Published on Good Word Project August 2023)